I’m a new District Attorney, and my first solo prosecution seems to be a slam dunk. Public Indecency charges for a group of young men caught fornicating in broad daylight in a city park, all caught on tape. Instead of doing the reasonable thing and taking a plea deal, their defense counsel insisted on taking it to trial.
Not that I expected anything reasonable from this attorney–he’s been nothing but unprofessional. His “bubble boy insanity” defense is totally deranged, and his attire is wholly inappropriate. During opening arguments, his pants were so tight I could clearly tell what type of underwear he was wearing (and who in their right mind wears a jockstrap to court?)
As the trial goes on, though, I’ve caught myself glancing at his round ass and wondering what it would be like to have one of my own, maybe bigger. And I can’t seem to get comfortable in my seat. This case has gone on too long, I can’t wait for it to end.
I was recently cast as Nightwing in an upcoming DCEU film and I’m super excited. Even though I’ve got a great body, my producer says my… er… “assets” aren’t up to par for a comics-accurate portrayal.
He says he can fix that, but it’ll take some time. Luckily, we don’t start shooting for several months. He’s got me on a “revolutionary” new workout and vitamin regimen, but so far, I haven’t noticed any major differences.
Although, now that I think about it, my pants have been fitting oddly, and ever seat feels like it has a little more cushion. And there’s this itch that I just can’t seem to scratch. What’s going on?