Speedo Serpent

I heard a rumor about a guy… The story changes every time, but it goes like this.

The guy takes something. It’s either a pill, a drink, or some sort of potion. He doesn’t notice anything wrong at first, until his clothes just… disappear. Then, a speedo appears on him. He can’t take it off. Well, he can, but whenever he tries another new speedo just shows up around his crotch.

People kind of notice the fact that there’s this guy just walking around wearing a speedo, but no one really questions it or says anything about it.

I heard that you know a lot of shit about this stuff… Do you… Do you know what happens when someone puts on one of the speedos that the guy has taken off?

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I know this one quite well, actually. No, I wasn’t personally involved in what went down. I know the guy that was the cause of all of it. It’s a bit of privileged information, so I can’t really tell you who he is. Friends in high places and all that.

I’m not at all surprised that the story changes all the time. It’s probably by design, you know. Like I said, friends in high places. Besides, it just wouldn’t do if every guy and their grandmother realized that magic was an actual thing that existed in the world. Keeping stories uncertain and uneasy to doubt is a pretty good defensive measure.

I mean, sure, you could see it with your own eyes and it would be hard to deny that magic exists, but who would believe you? Trust me, the day after you have a run-in with magic, someone’s already spreading rumors about what happened to you, many of them with wildly inaccurate details.

But before I go on too long about how the magical world works, I can tell that you’re really eager to know how this story goes. You’re asking for a friend, right? Right… Well, don’t fret too much.


It all started with a young warlock who had more power than sense and a major grudge to pick with one of the douchebag jocks at his university who made his life miserable. It was a tale as old as time. Boy met bigger boy. Boy got called "fag." Boy got called a "dirty pervert" for staring. Boy got upset. Bigger boy thought it was funny. Bigger boy made a habit of it. Boy got mad. Boy wanted revenge. You know, typical.

If you’ve seen any movie about magical communities in the modern world, you probably think that the real magical community has some rule that goes along the lines of "never use magic on a mortal human." You would be mistaken.

The real rule is a bit more of a suggestion than magical law. And it has three important words tacked on at the end. "Never use magic on a mortal human and get caught." Luckily for this young warlock, he wasn’t stupid enough to ignore those last three words. Unfortunately for him, he was stupid enough to not think his plan through.

It was during a frat party that the warlock decided to put his revenge plan into action. He had been working on this potion for the better part of a month. The potion itself did nothing, but it contained in it a curse. Punishment for the jock that tormented him. It was a magic that he had contrived all his own, and would have gotten him an award in the magical community if not for the fact that it was so… unconventional.

Did I forget to mention that the young warlock was actually a bit of a perv? It was what made the jock’s words doubly insulting. Not only had he been mocking the warlock for perfectly normal ogling, but he had also called out the warlock’s deeper, more depraved nature.

The warlock had a plan. He disguised himself as a hot girl, new to campus, eager to get in the big jock’s pants. He would spike a drink and get the jock to glug it down. Then he would disappear and leave the big jock to his suffering.

The disguise went off without a hitch. Spiking the drink was where things started to go wrong. The long and short of it was that somewhere along the line, in the crush of bodies packed into the frathouse, the warlock got his cup switched around with another guy’s.

Naturally, when the warlock got the big jock to drink from his cup, nothing happened. And by then, it was too late to abort. Needless to say, by the end of the night the warlock had a sore asshole. But on the bright side, the jock ended up with a new appreciation for cock. They went on to date on and off through university, but that’s a story for another time.

You might be wondering where the swapped drink went. Well, enter Louis Carlsen, captain of the lacrosse team and debate club, who was recovering from a bad breakup, and had arrived at the party an hour early to get a head start on the drinking. When his path crossed the warlock’s, he was way past the point of plastered and ended up picking up the wrong cup.

In the mind of the inebriated Louis Carlsen, it was strange that he was suddenly drinking punch instead of vodka, but he had already spiked the punch with alcohol earlier anyway so he wasn’t about to complain. He had scarcely taken two steps when he had downed the entire contents of the cup.

To say that Louis’ recollection of the events that followed was spotty would be the understatement of the century. As far as Louis was concerned, one moment he was drinking the strangely-fruity punch, and the next he was lying mostly-naked on his bed, wearing nothing but a speedo that he didn’t remember ever owning.

Oh well, Louis probably thought to himself. From what I understand it wasn’t the worst situation he’d ever woken up to. Besides, the bigger problem that was immediately on his mind was the major hangover that he had.

So Louis went to brew some coffee in the common room of the dorm suite that he shared with two other guys. They were awake already, but they didn’t even blink an eye when he walked out in nothing but a speedo. They were used to him walking around half-naked in the dorm. Louis was about the furthest a guy could get from being conscious about his body.

The problem really started to present itself once Louis realized that he was running a bit late for class. He hopped in the shower and tried to strip naked, but the moment that he threw the speedo into the hamper, he realized that he was wearing another one.

Louis had a minor freakout, but it wasn’t like he could really afford time figuring out what was going on. So he hopped into the shower, speedo and all, toweling off afterward as best as he could.

But Louis couldn’t very well go to class with a wet speedo so he figured he’d try and see if taking the speedo off would replace it with a dry one. Experiment one: success. It did replace the old speedo with a dry new one.

The next problem, and, really the one that Louis couldn’t find any practical solution for, was the way that normal clothes just… refused to stay on his body. Forget putting on pants. The moment he got a shirt over his head and let go, it appeared crumpled on the ground beside him.

Louis weighed his options. It was a choice between going to class and staying at the dorm. But he really couldn’t afford to miss lectures. So he decided to tell everyone who asked about his outfit that he had lost a bet. Luckily for him, even though people did a double take when he passed by, no one really pressed him about his state of undress.

Even his professor, who was a major pain in the ass, only gave Louis grief for being late, and not for coming into class wearing just a speedo. His classmates all looked at him as he walked by, but then they turned their attention back to the lecture as he settled down and took out his notebook to start taking notes.

It wasn’t the most ideal situation for Louis. He was stuck with a speedo that he couldn’t, practically, take off. But the fact that no one seemed to question it made things a little bit more tolerable. He could live with it for however long it took to find a solution. The imminent crisis was at least over with, or so he thought.

Halfway through the class was when Louis noticed something that made his blood run cold. There was something in his speedo. Something smooth and cylindrical, slithering around his legs, caressing his cock and balls. It was like there was a snake stuffed in his speedos, and not the kind of snake that impressed the ladies at that.

Louis squirmed in discomfort in his seat. He looked down at his crotch, feeling the "snake" tease his cock, sliding against it. But he couldn’t see anything moving down there, no telltale shape pressed up against the fabric as it slithered around his groin and ass, riding the cleft of his ass cheeks.

Louis gritted his teeth and forced his attention back to the lecture. It was apparent that he couldn’t do anything about his predicament. But he could at least try to ignore it. For now.

It wasn’t long before Louis’ composure shattered completely. Despite himself, the friction of the thing rubbing up against his dick had made him hard. Looking down he could see only the outline of his erection pressed up against the speedo, and he could scarcely contain the urge to reach down and rub himself through the skimpy piece of swimwear.

But the "snake" was getting bolder. It wrapped around Louis’ shaft, eliciting a moan from him that earned him a sharp rebuke from one of the students sitting on his row. He was embarrassed, but he received none of the scandalized looks that he would have otherwise expected.

And then Louis felt it. Something prodding at his pucker. It was slightly slick, slightly wet, and definitely warm. It sent a tingle of pleasure up his spine and a knot of cold fear into the pit of his stomach.

Louis stuck his hand down the back of his speedo, but that didn’t stop the sensation. Instead, he was treated to the sensation of his pucker fluttering and twitching against his finger.

The next thing that Louis knew, he’d stuck his finger into his asshole. At the same time, that warm, wet sensation that he’d been feeling stabbed into his hole as well. He cried out, his ass rising a good inch or two from the chair as he leaned over his table.

The professor shot a dirty look toward the back of the class, but othewise continued his lecture. Louis pulled his finger out of his hole and gripped the edge of the table as he felt the invasion of his hole continue. Something slick, smooth, and round entered him.

Its size wasn’t a problem, but it was going deep inside his guts. The tip was tapered, and so was the rest of it, giving his hole time to get used to the stretch. But it was still so strange, feeling something going in instead of coming out but still somehow it felt good.

Louis’ cock was leaking profusely into his speedo, soaking the front of the skimpy piece of fabric. He couldn’t resist the urge anymore and he grabbed his erection through the speedo, only to find that he could get no sensation from it.

Louis tried to pull the speedo down to get at his cock, but it refused to budge. He tried to peel off the back part, but it stuck fast to his skin. All he could do was lean over the table, eyes fluttering as his insides were assaulted, as his cock was massaged.

Eventually, it was too much. Louis rolled onto the aisle, staying down on all fours. He held his chest down and arched his back up, pushing his ass into the air. With one hand he reached behind him, rubbing his ass crack as he felt the thing inside of him start moving back and forth, grazing his prostate with every stroke.

The pleasure built and built. Louis felt like he was going to cum from getting fucked up the ass. But no matter how close he got to the edge, he couldn’t go over it. He grunted and moaned and mewled and begged, but no matter how much he sniffled, or drooled against the floor, release wouldn’t come.

The professor finally had enough of the noise and told Louis to get out of his classroom if he was going to be such a distraction. Louis’ legs got him out of the classroom, but refused to cooperate beyond that. He collapsed in the hallway, humping the wall with his ass, trying to force that invisible, intangible force fucking his hole deeper.

From what I understand the magical community found him and took him into custody soon after that. He’s not begging for release anymore. His mind didn’t take long to break. Mostly he just babbles and moans now, permanently fucked in the ass and in the head.

It was a powerful curse, what can I say? In an ideal world, that would have been the end of the story… But it’s far from an ideal world, isn’t it? Remember those two speedos that he took off? Well, his roommates found them, and once they picked the speedos up, they were compelled to put them on. Suffice to say, the same things started to happen to them.

And to anyone who put on the speedos that they took off. And then to the next group of people. And the next. But hey, it isn’t that bad of a life. Apparently it feels really good. Getting fucked in the ass by an invisible cock for the rest of time, having your needs taken care of? Too dumb to know or care that there’s life to live outside of the pleasure that you feel in every waking moment?

Tell your "friend" that he should just enjoy the situation. It’s not like he’ll have a choice for very long.

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