Dear Pink Fairy,

For a long time now I have admired both your work and you. You have made many wonderful wishes come true. I am here now to offer you something — Myself.

I have debated this for some time, and wish to offer myself as a sex slave and assistant to you. I’m sure you’ll take my brain, but I’m sure I can still help with something like keeping your schedule. I mean, that will only require some reading and basic communication skills.

Use me as you see fit, I just ask that you use me. I prefer to give and hear your prefer to take, so please take all I have to offer. I hope I can satisfy you as you have satisfied so many.

— A fan